My Motherhood Lately

The days are short, the weeks are short, the months are short. I feel like time is rushing past me, and that I am accomplishing so much. Yet, there are still so many things to be finished. I am so, so grateful for the growth in our business. It seemed slow at first, always working so hard for every customer, every follower. We strive to connect with our readers and customers; it's something that we love doing! There are so many wonderful, new opportunities heading to Under A Tin Roof. It's been joyfully overwhelming! But this is about motherhood... and that is something that I find myself having a hard time balancing between everything else.

My motherhood lately is pointing. Pointing to the illustrations in a book while I name each one. Then pointing to everything else in the room, hoping that I will say their names and tell you what they are and what they do. Fire truck, bear, couch, television, water, door, bed, blanket, mama, Tad... And this has brought on several new words like car, hot, shoe, and gramama. And since learning, "hot," You now believe that everything is hot. The fridge is hot, the cold air blowing out of the air conditioner is hot, and grapes on your plate are hot. It's a thing. 

My motherhood lately is getting into the kitchen cabinets. Pulling out the drawers and climbing up them to reach the counter. Grabbing blindly at the surface, hoping you'll come back with something really fun like a spoon, dirty plate, or maybe a carelessly left glass of water. Each of the lower cabinets has been emptied, leaving them bare from household cleaners, bins and baskets, dishes and pans. Except the tray cabinet, which you know is filled to the brim with bright, colorful trays. You like to pull them out one by one and toss them across the kitchen floor. Then you make sure to place them all carefully back inside. You play this game over and over and over. Sometimes you like to find the cleaning buckets under the sink and gather spoons inside, turning them into drums. 

My motherhood lately is being stuck inside. The heat is draining us, of energy, of sanity. It's too hot and humid to spend the days outside anymore. So we play inside, and inside is where mama feels obligated to keep working. You are very good at entertaining yourself, playing with your toys quietly and looking at all of the books on the shelf set aside for you. But sometimes being inside makes you cranky. You beg and beg mama to hold you, and when I finally give in, you make sure I hold you for at least forty-five minutes. Being cranky also makes you irritable and cry lots and lots. You were really good at taking naps, but lately you've decided that naps just aren't your thing, at least for not longer than an hour. You wish you could go outside, pointing to the door, and mama does, too.

My motherhood lately is rushing. Rushing from one job to the next, trying to fit everything within a certain time frame, praying that there will be more hours to finish what I want the next day. You are becoming impatient with me, begging for more attention, and I want to give it to you. But I also want us to have our own lives some day. I am trying to find the balance between living for now and living for the future. I think we are making it work; there are some days where I think I could be better, and other days where I know that the life we are living now is good. Today, I think I could be better. I am thankful for your wonderful grandparents, who also play with you and take care of you so that I can finish all of my jobs. I know that these fears are only for a season.

My motherhood lately is being confident. You've got this! You are growing so fast and I feel like I should be wanting you to slow down, but I don't. I like watching you grow, explore, get bigger. It's the most incredible opportunity to see how your mind works, how you are beginning to make connections to the world around you. It is only when I see a photo of you at a younger stage that I find myself wishing I could go back just for a moment, to remember it all in more detail. I know this will happen throughout your entire life. For now, you are confident, and I am in awe watching you.

xoxo Kayla